Thursday, May 3, 2012

Will you do me a kindness?

I have private blog to record my deepest thoughts and feelings about Lauren's death. It is private because some of the things I write could hurt other people's feelings, and some of the things are too personal to share with the world. However, there are some postings that I feel ready to make public. Here they are.

Valuing People, written April 9, 2010


As a special education teacher, I have a personal philosophy that all individuals have a purpose in life. I believe that all individuals have good qualities--gifts, if you will. I don't like it when children, especially, are judged by others because of stereotypes or ignorance. However, my foundational belief system has been shook with the death of my Lauren.

I am ashamed to say that I have caught myself looking at people in public--wondering why their lives are more valuable than Lauren's. I recognize that this is "stinkin thinkin," but these thoughts cross my mind.

I have tried to raise my daughters to be compassionate people. Lauren volunteered at Special Olympics and the Texas Statewide Youth Leadership Forum--two events that are geared toward individuals with disabilities. Lauren also would visit my classroom when she was a student at Sam Rayburn. She had no "fear" of individuals with disabilities. I was so proud that she gravitated towards other kids who had differences or who were siblings of children with disabilities.

I don't understand why she is not still here. I know that I should be happy that she is in Heaven, but how can I be happy when I hurt so much?

Lauren was a better person than me. I am not idealizing her, either. She accepted people for who they were and treated them like they were worthy (because they were). I tried to teach her to be like that, but I have not always been the best example. I'd be a liar if I said that I don't have any prejudices.


Lauren's Kindness, written April 24, 2010


Lauren brought so much joy to our family. It also seems that she brought joy to a lot of her peers. We didn't know every detail of her life with her friends--but that is a normal part of growing up. I'm going to list some of the unsolicited acts of kindness that she did throughout her life.
  • Donated her hair to Locks of Love
  • Made sweets for her dad and sister
  • Made meals for her family
  • Planned the Purple Purpose
  • Cleaned the house
  • Provided advice about anything that Shelby or I needed
  • Asked her neighbor if she needed help in the flower bed
  • Gave inspirational notes to teachers and friends
  • Took the initiative when things needed to done
  • Shared her possessions with her sister
  • Freely spent her own money on her sister
  • Made a quilt for a man with pancreatic cancer
  • Brought cookies to friends
  • Volunteered to help individuals with disabilities at the Special Olympics and the Texas Statewide Youth Leadership Forum
  • Took care of her sister--including taking her and a friend to the park on the day of the accident

If you know of other acts of kindness that she did, please add comments to this entry.

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