Will you do me a kindness?

I have private blog to record my deepest thoughts and feelings about Lauren's death. It is private because some of the things I write could hurt other people's feelings, and some of the things are too personal to share with the world. However, there are some postings that I feel ready to make public. Here they are.

Valuing People, written April 9, 2010

As a special education teacher, I have a personal philosophy that all individuals have a purpose in life. I believe that all individuals have good qualities--gifts, if you will. I don't like it when children, especially, are judged by others because of stereotypes or ignorance. However, my foundational belief system has been shook with the death of my Lauren.

I am ashamed to say that I have caught myself looking at people in public--wondering why their lives are more valuable than Lauren's. I recognize that this is "stinkin thinkin," but these thoughts cross my mind.

I have tried to raise my daughters to be compassionate people. Lauren volunteered at Special Olympics and the Texas Statewide Youth Leadership Forum--two events that are geared toward individuals with disabilities. Lauren also would visit my classroom when she was a student at Sam Rayburn. She had no "fear" of individuals with disabilities. I was so proud that she gravitated towards other kids who had differences or who were siblings of children with disabilities.

I don't understand why she is not still here. I know that I should be happy that she is in Heaven, but how can I be happy when I hurt so much?

Lauren was a better person than me. I am not idealizing her, either. She accepted people for who they were and treated them like they were worthy (because they were). I tried to teach her to be like that, but I have not always been the best example. I'd be a liar if I said that I don't have any prejudices.

Lauren's Kindness, written April 24, 2010

Lauren brought so much joy to our family. It also seems that she brought joy to a lot of her peers. We didn't know every detail of her life with her friends--but that is a normal part of growing up. I'm going to list some of the unsolicited acts of kindness that she did throughout her life.

• Donated her hair to Locks of Love
• Made sweets for her dad and sister
• Made meals for her family
• Planned the Purple Purpose
• Cleaned the house
• Provided advice about anything that Shelby or I needed
• Asked her neighbor if she needed help in the flower bed
• Gave inspirational notes to teachers and friends
• Took the initiative when things needed to done
• Shared her possessions with her sister
• Freely spent her own money on her sister
• Made a quilt for a man with pancreatic cancer
• Brought cookies to friends
• Volunteered to help individuals with disabilities at the Special Olympics and the Texas Statewide Youth Leadership Forum
• Took care of her sister--including taking her and a friend to the park on the day of the accident

If you know of other acts of kindness that she did, please add comments to this entry.

Please Pass It On

When you do a RAoK, you are likely to initially receive a confused look from the recipient. To help you easily explain, you can print the card below and give it to your RAoK recipients. By doing this, you can be anonymous in your RAoK, if you desire; and you can facilitate the spreading of Lauren's RAoK.

Print this out to give to the recipients of your RAoK in Lauren's honor.

I Remember

Days after her death, I wrote down these remembrances.

I remember her big, blue, doe eyes with her long eyelashes.


I remember that she would shake her booty when she left a room, just to be silly.

I remember that she liked to fix her hair and experiment with makeup.

I remember that she liked to cook--especially brownies and cookies.

I remember that she always had her iphone in her hand.

I remember that she was serious about dancing. She would move the furniture out of the way in the living room and practice.

I remember that she hid her favorite perfume from her little sister.

I remember that she did not like to be "bored." She was always wanting to be busy.

I remember that she would say silly things, like, "go spin around in circles like a fluffy red chicken."

I remember that she was generous. She worked hard for her money, but would buy her sister or me anything.

I remember that she wanted to have a career in a health profession because she like to help people.

I remember that she was her daddy's "Precious Princess."

I remember that she hated to read and did not like Mr. Keough's math classes.

I remember that she was a good flutist in middle school.

I remember that she had long, graceful arms and legs.

I remember that she wouldn't eat and it would make me so mad. I just cared about her health so much.

I remember that she would come up behind me and hug me tightly. I loved that.

I remember that she called me, "Mommy."

I remember that she was so beautiful--inside and outside.

With Gratitude

When our precious daughter died unexpectedly a month before her 17th birthday, our family received an outpouring of support from our friends and community. At the suggestion of one of Lauren's best friends, Kallie, we decided to spend Lauren's birthday doing Random Acts of Kindness (RAoK). The words below are from the Memoriam that we submitted to our local newspaper. Please join us in continuing to do RAoK on Lauren's birthday: April 20.

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With Gratitude, from the Family of Lauren Landmark 
April 20, 1993 – March 17, 2010 

Even during these times of deep sorrow, our family has been blessed. Truly, no words can convey the depths of our gratitude. However, we would still like to express our gratitude and appreciation to our family, friends, and community for all of the love and support provided to us during this most difficult loss. 

In honor of Lauren and the way that she lived her life, we are designating her birthday, Tuesday, April 20th, as "Lauren's Random Act of Kindness Day." 

Lauren had a giving spirit and did not hesitate to give and serve others-whether her acts were noticed or not. We believe that Lauren would be thrilled if her family, friends, and community served others on her special day. 

A Random Act of Kindness (RAoK) can be completed by thinking of special, creative ways in which we can bless others. These RAoK can be done with or without the receiving person knowing who provided the blessing. 

Some examples of RAoK include purchasing lunch for a stranger, baking something for someone who has blessed you, or sending a card to someone who needs uplifting. 

By attaching a note that says, "Lauren's Random Act of Kindness Day, April 20th, 2010…please pass it on," to every RAoK that you do, we hope that our community will feel the love that we have felt from our family, friends, and community's outpouring of support following the loss of our precious Lauren. 

Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37 & 39 "Love your neighbor as yourself." 

The Landmark Family